071 ON AIR: Chosen family and the mirror of relationships with Silas Rose

ON AIR: Chosen family and the mirror of relationships with Silas Rose

As we transition to fall and celebrate thanksgiving (In Canada) it seems like a natural time to focus on the hearth, the place of warmth, family and community. The constellation of people we share our world with, especially our chosen family, are always reflecting something back to us, some important feedback. In this short monologue Silas Rose explores the mirror like quality of our close relationships, known in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition as the Mandala Principle. Like a Buddha in the centre of a colourful sacred circle by bringing awareness to every conversation we can transform our habitual patterns and reactivity. When we change, the image in the mirror also changes. In this way our circle of relationships expands and we can experience greater openness and joy.

Episode Transcripts

Silas Rose:

Greetings. My name is Silas Rose and I welcome you to another instalment of On Air. This is a short monologue where I do a little bit of a deeper dive into some of the topics around conscious relationships that I cover on the show. This episode is dropping just before the Canadian Thanksgiving. We’re also transitioning into the darker months. So it seems like an opportune time to focus a bit on the hearth, the place of warmth, home, family, and community.

It can be a tender time filled with gratitude, but also more challenging feelings. Ram Dass would often say, if you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family. These days the definition of family also includes our chosen family, the friends that we have shared our inner world with, and gained a certain level of comfort and trust, built over decades. I think what makes this inner circle of people special is that they know our buttons and sometimes press them.

The constellation of people we share our lives with are always reflecting back something, some important information or feedback. And if we ignore that feedback or just react, we miss an opportunity to grow in some way, to open. I want to be clear here that I’m not talking about abusive relationships. I’m talking about the relationships that are workable, where communication is possible. Only in the context of respect and positive self-regard, can we really use that feedback as a mirror for our own growth.

Carl Jung talked about relationships, particularly the intimate ones, as being a reflection of our unconscious mind. In the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, which is the lens that I tend to look through, describe this mirror-like quality of relationships as the mandala principle. Many years ago I had the opportunity to see Tibetan monks create a sand mandala, a beautifully arranged and colorful, sacred circle with a central figure, a Buddha, in the middle. I think the point is that even though we’re not a Buddha yet, our temporal and spiritual lives are arranged in a very similar way. Forgive me if I’m stating the obvious, but we are the central figure of our lives, and the circle, and in particular, the people in that circle are part of our domain. It’s anything but random.

There is a natural order and intelligence to our world, a discernible pattern to how our relationships unfold. And by bringing awareness to each conversation, each relationship, it’s possible to step outside and habitual patterns and the triggers that cause us to contract. When we change, the reflection in the mirror also changes. Our domain becomes more expansive and joyful.

This approach is highly scalable. When organizations and communities, and especially their leadership, become more open and self-reflective, there’s this natural expansion, a liberation of energy and creativity.

I’d so yearn to see this openness in the wider culture right now. It just feels like we’re kind of stuck in some sort of algorithmic ghetto that separated us into discrete identity tribes based on politics. This really became clear to me during the pandemic, which was a wrecking ball for my social mandala, like it was for so many others.

In 2025, I found myself returning to the question: who is in my sacred circle of relationships right now? And why? And who do I need to become to invite in the people and experiences I desire for the future? So in the spirit of gratitude and deep appreciation, thank you so much, dear listener, for tuning in to this episode of Awake in Relationship. Till next time, stay connected.

I so love hearing from my audience and welcome your feedback and inspiration for future episodes. I. I can sometimes be found on social media though. Better to contact me through the contact page on my website awakeinrelationship.com. I can also be found on LinkedIn and Substack. Till next time, dear listener, stay connected.